moonrusts: (chenji (nct))
2022-03-06 12:15 pm
Entry tags:

on life, among other things

posting so i hold myself accountable to take charge of my own life and start living it better? tired of wallowing in anxiety, self-pity, depressed soup.

the things i'm having trouble with and how i hope to solve them
read more. )

anyways. that's what i want to change about life. curious to know (if anyone even is reading this post) what you guys have been up to? i hope 2022 is treating everyone kindly and giving everyone time to heal from the past several years. thinking about my family everyday, can't wait for the day i can meet them again.
moonrusts: (jaemin (nct))
2022-01-18 06:07 pm
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2021 year in writing (part ii)


part two of my little 2021 writing reflection.

read more. )

see you on the flip ๐Ÿณ side!
moonrusts: (chenji (nct))
2022-01-17 10:41 am
Entry tags:

2021 year in writing (part i)


reflecting on my return to (and inevitable distancing from ) writing, all in one whirlwind year.

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if you read all of that, thank you. this is mostly a self reflection, and if you're here, i want to thank you for being a part of my writing journey. 2021 brought me immense joy when it came to the writing community and i've found some of my dearest friends through it. i love you all!
moonrusts: (beomgyu (txt))
2021-12-05 01:11 pm
Entry tags:

on a lighter note

kpop things that i've been enjoying for the past weeks โ€”
  • ateez turbulence โ€” it was a masterpiece and i'm actually in love. i cried on first listen it's so meaningful. it reminds me of og ateez b-sides (and those are the best things ateez have ever released) . . . maybe i'll do another short run as an atiny the way i did during wave and answer eras.
  • treasure !!!!! but specifically rewatching mashiho being the most competent idol ever it is causing some mental breakdowns in the best way (tmap ep53 in particular)
  • txt's mma performance. they ate it up god i love them so much.
  • dreaming ????? like i can't believe another one of their best title tracks is a part of NCT U !!! WHY ???? if this gets the same treatment as my fave deja vu i'll be so upset because both the songs are OBVIOUS BANGERS and if promoted well will do so so well.
  • seventeen. just them. always them. i'm like one step removed from being a carat but i honestly cannot bring myself to stan another group + seventeen's been around for so long and have so much content it'll take me ages to catch up (that's exactly why i've been religiously avoiding gose bc i know for a fact i'll love it so much i'll binge the whole thing and i don't have that time rn)
  • ๋‚จ๊ณ ๊ดด๋‹ด โ€” although i'd much rather have had a comeback, the boys are actually doing so good in this? my haruto protection instincts are through the roof.

yeah, kpop's been good to me for the past few weeks, even if rpf/rps and writing themselves haven't.
moonrusts: (Default)
2021-12-05 04:09 am

november media roundup (the lack of it, that is)

[ spent time in a catatonic state of despair and otherness . this user had no thoughts or proper feelings in november]

fr though. turning 20 was not and is not currently fun for me and i'm sort of dreading writing a whole wrapup . . . why was scorpio season so dreadful to me this time around

edit: also why are brown families just so [shakes fist] . . . so many stigmas and im just trying to live a normal life thousands of miles away but i can't. :) pls :) let :) me :) live :) my :) life :) in :) peace :)))
moonrusts: (mashiho (treasure))
2021-11-02 02:13 am
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๐ŸŽƒoctober media roundup + thoughts


(gif source)

bad month but i found a new too-perfect bb kpop boy to love so i guess that counts as a win.

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see you next month maybe, idk if i'll have the energy to keep doing this, you can see how half arsed this one was because i'm just so tired that i have no coherent thoughts.
moonrusts: (eunji (apink))
2021-10-01 02:49 am
Entry tags:

๐Ÿชต september media roundup + thoughts


(gif source)

time is fictional i want to die also it's been a terrible month and it seems like a downward spiral. welcome to a depressing post nobody asked for :D

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if you don't see me next month you can assume uni destroyed me, but otherwise, see you next month (maybe)
moonrusts: (chenle (nct))
2021-08-29 01:21 am
Entry tags:

๐Ÿaugust media roundup + thoughts


(gif source)

every month i say i hope the next month is better but !!! NEWSFLASH !!! it gets worse. i think i should accept that i have objectively terrible taste and that is okay. but i !!! did do stuff this month !!! there's actual stuff to read in here!!!

read more. )

*tips hat* see y'all someday, who knows when <3
moonrusts: (taehyung (bts))
2021-07-29 04:21 pm

๐Ÿจjuly media roundup + thoughts


(gif source)

sometimes you wonder if you're insane, other times you KNOW you are, like when you watch 9 seasons of a show in one month. yeah. anyways.

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au revoir until next time or wtv i can't french.
moonrusts: (taehyun (txt))
2021-06-30 02:47 pm

๐ŸŒผ june media round up + thoughts


(gif source)

oh finals season, i hate you so. barely consumed anything of substance this month but here i am as a self centred arse to tell you about it.

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that's all i have for y'all today. tomorrow, who knows?
moonrusts: (jaemin (nct))
2021-06-01 02:15 am

โš“๏ธ fic commentary: floating in a fallen sky


(gif source unknown)

never has a fic given me equal amounts of grief and satisfaction while writing but i guess that's what you get when you step outside your comfort zone

open for some commentary nobody asked for. )
moonrusts: (chenle (nct))
2021-05-31 02:14 am

๐Ÿ‰ may media round up + thoughts


(gif source)

somehow, despite may being one of my busiest months this year, i managed to find time to consume a fair amount of media, so now you get to listen to me talk about it.

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that's it for now, see y'all with other useless ramblings soon!
moonrusts: (doyoung (nct))
2021-05-24 02:13 am

wips clearout #3 | abandoned dotae ff wip


i attempted dotae fest, realized i couldn't characterize most of 127 well enough, ultimately realized i'm much more of a dreamzen, and then dropped out. figured this wip would appreciate making its way out to the world (also what was i thinking with the title?)

somniloquism, unrequited crushes and late night cuddles; a guide by kim doyoung
wc: 1452, rated g

un.

When Doyoung falls, he falls messily, clumsily, against his own will but not without reason. In retrospect, he wonders not why, but how. How it took so long, and how he didn’t realize until now.

Lee Taeyong has been a constant in his life for quite a while now. They’ve been friends for eight years, group mates for five, roommates for three. And Doyoung’s found himself falling for him for a few months now.

It started easy, simple, something that Doyoung could blow past — the way Taeyong’s words started meaning so much to him, the way he craved to hold his hand when he felt at his weakest, the way his smile would immediately lift Doyoung’s mood.

And then it spiralled into absolute, utter panic every time Taeyong did something even remotely attractive, like push his hair back, or wear a hoodie.

It’s awkward, and to Doyoung, it’s a liability he can’t take care of presently. Feelings aren’t part of his plan. Doyoung likes plans. Doyoung likes predictability. He likes to chalk his life down to every detail, so that nothing goes wrong.

Falling for Taeyong wasn’t a part of the plan, and it sends all the rest of his life in disarray.

He jolts from his thoughts at the incessant knocking on his door, rubbing his eyes as he waddles to it and pulls it open, greeted by a very distracted Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” he says, “Why’re you here?”

It’s close to midnight, and typically by this time, Doyoung should be fast asleep. He would be fast asleep, if only his thoughts weren’t plagued by a certain boy every night.

Donghyuck looks up from his phone, and then sends him a lazy smile.

“Made ramen. Wanted to ask if you wanted to eat as well.”

Part of him jumps at the thought of ramen. The other tells him he’s already stretching his sleep schedule. It won’t take long for him to go spiralling down a trend of bad habits and lose control. And if anything, Doyoung hates losing control.

And so, albeit with some regret, he shakes his head. “I’m good. It’s pretty late, I should sleep.”

Donghyuck cocks his head, and then eyes him quizzically. “You’re right, actually. You don’t seem to be sleeping as early as you used to. Or as much as you used to, even, if the eyebags are any indicator. You okay, hyung?”

Doyoung scoffs, not unkindly. “Asks you, after you come banging at my door this late. You didn’t think I would be asleep already?”

“Please,” Donghyuck says, “I could hear your thoughts from a mile away. Besides, you never sleep with your ceiling light on, so I made an educated guess.”

“Mhm,” Doyoung says, no response to that, and then blearily, “Is Taeyong not back yet?”

At this, Donghyuck stops for a second to look at Doyoung, and then shakes his head. “I think he’s staying back late to record,” he admits, “I met him when I was on my way back almost two hours ago and he said he’ll be late. Something about being inspired.”

Doyoung tuts. “He’s working himself too thin,” he mutters, and then sighs, “I’m going to go sleep. ‘Night, Hyuck.”

“Goodnight, hyung.”

. . .

He wakes up a few hours later, blearily, dazed. It takes him a while to separate between his dream and reality — with much shame he admits he’d been dreaming about Taeyong.

Perhaps it’s his worries translating into his dreams. But all he could see is Taeyong — scribbling lyrics in his notebook like his life depends on it, humming tunes under his breath and fumbling for his phone so he can record the surge of inspiration before he forgets, him in the recording room for hours, trying variations of the same verse over, and over and over until he’s perfected it.

Taeyong’s been through hell and back to be where he is today, and yet he remains just as humble and hand working as Doyoung knew him to be eight years ago. There are people who just belong in the place that they are. Lee Taeyong belongs in the spotlight. But behind the lights, behind the cameras, he’s just a boy who’s working so, so hard.

And Doyoung, as his best friend, as his confidante, as whatever it is that he means to Taeyong, reserves the right to worry. And his mind, the devil that it is, reserves the right to let said worries slip into his dreams and tug at him even when he’s trying to rest.

“Doyoung?”

Not a dream.

Doyoung can only see an outline of Taeyong’s form in the night light, but it’s enough to have him sitting up quickly. He looks worn out and tired, but his eyes are wide, like a deer caught in headlights, and Doyoung’s heart leaps to his chest.

“Hyung,” he mumbles, pushing his mattress away to get out of bed, shivering slightly at the sudden change of temperature, “Are you alright?”

Taeyong doesn’t lie to Doyoung. At one point in time, the only people they’d had were each other — they couldn’t show their weakness to the other members, knowing they’d be relying on them. And in that moment, all those years ago, they’d made a wordless pact to never lie to each other.

Of course, each day, Doyoung’s breaking the pact by not acknowledging to himself or to Taeyong his immensely growing feelings, but Doyoung would like to argue there’s a difference between lying and not bringing a topic up. He’s doing the latter.

“I’m—” Taeyong sighs, “I’m tired. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Doyoung blinks at the digital clock on the nightstand, which blinks 4:34am to him. He sighs. “Of course you’re tired, hyung,” he mumbles, not responding to the latter part of his statement. Taeyong has to know Doyoung will always put him before anything — waking up in the middle of the night is the least of his concerns. “You’ve been working too hard.”

“I just . . . yeah.”

Taeyong usually doesn’t accept defeat this easily, and it has Doyoung’s eyebrows shooting up immediately. Taeyong’s not just tired; he’s exhausted. But there’s a certain gleam in his eyes as he looks at Doyoung now, one that says he’s already feeling better than he did moments ago. And part of Doyoung reaches. It wonders. It wonders if it’s because he’s with Doyoung now. Wonders if Doyoung is as much a comfort to Taeyong as Taeyong is to him.

Doyoung pushes that part down. He wouldn’t ride a wave that’s originating in troubled waters. Even if it might be the case, he doesn’t want to dwell on possibilities.

Instead, here and now, he wonders how he can make Taeyong feel better. Instinctively, he’s curling his hands around the boy’s frame, pulling him against his chest, letting him bury his head in his shoulder.

“You’ve worked so hard, Taeyong-ah,” he murmurs, “I’m so proud of you.”

He knows how much Taeyong likes being complimented like this, genuinely, unprompted — not because he longs for attention. But because most of the times, he’s not realized. He’s always the one giving out compliments, he’s the one being the backbone, he’s the one who’s always expected to do well.

But even if everyone expects and knows him as someone who does well doesn’t mean the compliments should stop. Even maestros need to be reminded of their talent. Even if they know. To ground them. To anchor them.

Doyoung feels Taeyong smile against his shoulder, and he thinks his heart threatening to burst out of his chest at the contact was worth it for that single smile. Doyoung’s arms tighten, almost infinitesimally, around him.

“Can we sleep together tonight?” Taeyong mumbles, and for a second, Doyoung’s heart lurches. Does Taeyong know what he’s doing, throwing statements like that out not knowing what it does to Doyoung? And then Taeyong says, “I just feel lonely, Doyoung-ah. It’s so lonely.

And so, Doyoung’s softly wrapping his fingers around Taeyong’s wrist and pulling him behind him, tucking himself into bed, and then shuffling to the side to leave space to occupy Taeyong. They’re a tangle of limbs in a small space, but it’s comforting. Almost like this is how it should be.

Taeyong’s burying his head in the crook of Doyoung’s neck, his breath slowly evening out, calming down, and he’s asleep before he knows it. And even if Doyoung’s mind and heart is going a mile a minute, because what used to be so normal between them now sends him spiraling, he thinks it’s okay. As long as he’s got Taeyong with him.

> Sleep talking. Worried. Studio? Me?

last saved 2020-11-13 10:23am, by user Lee Taeyong

moonrusts: (moonbyul (mamamoo))
2021-05-15 02:12 am

โœŒ๏ธ wips clearout #2 | au revoir bridal veil jaemin


atp this one has been sitting in my wips for so long i doubt i'd ever get to it, so might as well throw out whatever i do have for the story out to the world if nothing else.

read more. )
moonrusts: (chenji (nct))
2021-05-10 02:11 am
Entry tags:

๐ŸŒถ hot sauce thoughts (ft a lot of pandering)


well, because i had to talk about zcl's VOCALS, jaemin in SUITS, and how rainbow deserves soty somewhere.

i have many emotions. proceed with caution. )
moonrusts: (eunji (apink))
2021-05-09 02:10 am
Entry tags:

๐Ÿ’Œ how i make my fic post graphics (a detailed walkthrough)


i've had quite a few people ask me how i make them on desktop. i'll give y'all a quick walkthrough with the prompt for i tried to reach you bc i made a different graphic for it for the actual posting and i'm too lazy to come up with a new prompt just for this.

read more. )
moonrusts: (Default)
2021-05-02 02:06 am
Entry tags:

๐Ÿ’ž love languages | chenji edition


because despite talking about them every waking moment on twitter, i want to talk more about them. chenjism is a disease and i have it.

open for useless pandering and stupid tenderhearting. or not. )
moonrusts: (zuko (avatar))
2021-05-01 02:05 am
Entry tags:

๐ŸŒฟapril media consumption + monthly thoughts

where you realize how truly questionable i am as a human, i guess.


(alt text; park jisung indicating the trajectory of my mental state this month)
(img credit)

april was not really a good month for me, media wise. i didn't really read a lot, i barely watched anything new, and my music choices were questionable (although that's not just april, that's me all the time lol), and my writing has also sort of been on the all time low since the start of the year but !!! oh well. finals season does that to you ig.

read more. )

that's it. signing off,
aeri